morning thoughts.

as i was lying in bed this morning before i actually got outta bed (and before i got up to leave fredrick in my apartment this morning), i was thinking about how nolan's friend erik had been put in a mental institute (i'm not sure if he's still there.. i doubt it). the reason for that is more than likely because mississippi has a shitty mental health program and they more than likely assume anyone who has went through anything traumatic should be institutionalized because they think it's easier than working with the person through therapy- not to mention.. cheaper also. he's more than likely not crazy.. if you think about it- wouldn't you go crazy if your friend was murdered and you were accused for the murder (i'm not positive IF they did do it but i'm positive they know what happened to him)? some "friends" they are.. being the poster-children for grump at his rally.. he doesn't care about them- he doesn't care about anyone but himself and i KNOW nolan would not support his "friends" basically toting getting away with knowing about his death and refusing to give information on it. i didn't know nolan.. but if he had ANY respect- he wouldn't be basically endorsing hate- especially NOT at his cost. erik had to have went through trauma.. the easiest thing for mississippi to do was shove him in a mental institute. HIS "FRIENDS" DON'T GIVE A FUCK! JUST AS LONG AS THEY GET BROADCASTED AND POSTED EVERYWHERE ON SOCIAL MEDIA! they assume it makes them look "smart" or wtf.. if they REALLY cared about nolan and respected him- they'd be negotiating and seeing what they could do to make his family feel like they have closure without broadcasting it everywhere. what does all this have to do with me? well.. nothing but i'm positive IF erik would have been in this particular state- they'd at least have the mental health resources to actually work with him before just shoving him in a mental institute. i'm pretty sure that might be one of the reasons why amanda is dragging her feet when assisting me to move to a different state- because it's easier for her to assume that none of the other states have medical services that ACTUALLY help a person.. just for her information- massachusetts is ranked right below minnesota for best healthcare (they're #2). i'm willing to take that little step down to actually have the opportunity to live my life- especially if it doesn't include everyone assuming that i'm mentally handicapped just because my mom is. i've done MORE school and worked MORE than she has and she's older than me. we're nothing alike. don't go there. not even to make your responsibilities of "helping" me truly succeed at being SUCCESSFUL easier for you by just convincing me to minimize my potential and capability to make YOU look good to your in-laws and everyone else while disregarding EVERYTHING i've been through to get where i am today. I DIDN'T BUST MY ASS AND LIVE THROUGH A FUCKING COMA FOR 6 MONTHS, at least FIFTEEN YEARS IN A WHEELCHAIR (for my family's ego and convenience), multiple years of therapy JUST TO MAKE MY COUSIN WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT ME WHEN IT'S CONVENIENT AND BENEFICIAL FOR HERTO LOOK AND FEEL BETTER. this is MY life. NOT AMANDA AND NOT MY MOM'S. you guys don't even care about me enough to let me live MY life if it's not convenient and/or beneficial for you.